


There's a Man Who Leads a Life of Danger

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Episode: s03e09 Bartlet for America, F/M, Holidays, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-25
Updated: 2008-07-25
Packaged: 2019-05-15 04:09:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14783330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: A post ep for Bartlet for America. How could Josh NOT have heard Mike Casper hit on Donna???





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

  
Author's notes: I apologize if Secret Agent Man gets stuck in your head after reading this.  


* * *

JOSH’S POV 

“Thanks. Listen, churches are burning down, otherwise I’d be hitting on you.” Mike says. 

“I appreciate that.” I can’t see her, but I can visualize plain as day the coy smile Donna’s giving him. 

“Sure. Maybe when it’s a better time.” 

I really wish I didn’t hear any of that. I pop out of my office and glare at Mike on my way by. “Let’s go.” He immediately falls into step with me. 

“Where are we going?” 

“17-month investigation, 34 black churches. How can there be no evidence of a conspiracy?” I ask. And how the hell often to do you hit on my Don --- assistant!? 

“I don’t know. Probably because we’re stupid.” he quips. 

“Mike --” 

“The FBI could invent a pattern, but then that would be against the law.” 

Hitting on my assistant is unfortunately not against the law...not that I’ve looked into it or anything like that. 

“Yeah.” I say simply. 

“Okay?” 

“You met with Leo this morning?” 

“Yeah. Listen, that was big for me. I don’t brief the White House Chief of Staff.” 

He he he. That was all me. I like watching Mike get freaked out. It happens so infrequently. You should see what Matt does when he sets his mind to freaking Mike out. 

“All right. Well, let’s listen in on this meeting for a minute.” 

“Hang on. This wall is curved.” 

Ha! Don’t hit on my assistant. 

“Let’s go.” 

“I don’t have to go in there. I can wait out here.” He says quickly. Try to get the guy some face time with the President and he wets his pants like a little girl. 

“Charlie.” I say, rolling my eyes at Mike and checking to see if it’s okay to go in now. 

“Yeah.” Charlie confirms. 

“Let’s go.” I smirk at Mike. 

It’s a quick trip to the Oval where he gets immediately freaked out. Good. I wasn’t trying to freak him out, but after hearing that little interchange, it’s an added bonus. We spend about three minutes with the President before the President releases Mike. 

Mike looks at me for a moment then smiles. “I’ll be in the bullpen.” 

NO!! 

I watch Mike leave helplessly as the President keeps me behind to ask about my plan for Leo. LEO!? Is he kidding me? Mike’s going to hit on Donna! I’ve got bigger problems than I had ten minutes ago. And let me tell you, I had some pretty big problems ten minutes ago. 

After I blow off the President...I mean professionally excuse myself...I go tearing out into Charlie’s office. There’s Mike, leaning up against Charlie’s desk and smiling like the cat that ate the canary. 

“You jerk.” I hiss at him. 

“Boy did you get freaked out!” 

“Hey, here’s a strange idea. Why don’t you THANK me for getting you face time with the President?” 

“Because I’m going to get reamed out for that. The FBI director briefs the President.” 

“How do you think the FBI director becomes the FBI director, Mike?” I demand as we start to walk. “The President learns their name and they get promoted!” 

“I don’t want to be FBI director.” He shrugs. “If I were the FBI director, it would probably be frowned upon when I ask Donna out.” 

That immediately stops me in my tracks. Mike gives me that shit eating grin again and leans up against the wall and crosses his arms. 

“You can’t ask Donna out.” I say reflectively. 

“Why not? She’s not seeing anybody.” 

“Sure she is.” 

“She is not.” 

“Well, that doesn’t mean it’s okay for YOU to ask her out!” I squeak. 

“I’m one of your best friends.” He counters. “Aren’t I just the type of guy you want her with?” 

“No!” I yelp. 

“Why?” 

“Because you’re a guy.” I reply. 

“She thinks I’m funny.” 

“She thinks I’m funny too!” 

“Not when you’re dragging her ass in to work at 7 in the morning on a Saturday.” 

“In my defense, I don’t feel very amusing then.” 

“I’m asking her out.” 

“NO!” 

“Why the hell not?” 

“Because.” 

“Not good enough.” 

“You can’t ask her out just because it will make me nuts. That’s a shitty thing to do to her and me.” Take that! 

“You’re right. I would never do that.” he concedes, pushing himself off the wall and heading back in the direction of MY bullpen. “I’m asking her out because she’s a beautiful woman and she’s funny, and she’s smart. I’m obviously out of my mind.” 

“Where are you going?” I demand. 

“To the bullpen.” 

“You can’t go in there. I forbid it.” 

“I have a gun, Josh, and codeword clearance. I can go anywhere in this building I want to.” 

I. Hate. Him. 

“Mike, I am begging you not to do this.” Where did THAT come from? 

“Why?” he asks stopping abruptly again. 

“Why what?” 

“Why is it such a big deal?” he asks, lowering his voice. “I need a date to the bureau Christmas party. She’s not seeing anyone and she’s a great person.” 

She’s not great; she’s amazing. I don’t confess that out loud though. 

“You just can’t.” I reply pathetically. 

“Aren’t you chasing Amy Gardner?” 

Damn. 

“No.” It’s not COMPLETELY a lie. She’s with Tandy and I don’t know that I want to put that much effort into it, especially now with this new development. 

“Give me a good reason, Josh.” he says dropping his voice. 

“Because.” I say again. 

“Not good enough.” 

He pushes through the bullpen doors and heads straight for Donna’s cubicle. 

Shit! 

 

DONNA’S POV 

Mike reappears in the doorway of my cubicle. That was fast. Josh is behind him looking rather anxious. Leo’s testifying today and it has him abnormally freaked out. I mean, anytime the Chief of Staff gets put under oath and interrogated, I would imagine freaks people out, but Josh has seemed overly freaked out. He’s been having me make odd phone calls all day for apparently no specific reason, at least not one he’s sharing with me. 

“Hey, Donna.” Mike smiles. 

“Hey.” I smile back. “Did the churches stop burning down?” 

“No, but I’m still thinking it’s a better time.” 

“Give. Me. A. Break.” Josh grumbles. Why is he even standing here for this? 

“So, the bureau Christmas party is tonight, and I was wondering if you didn’t have any plans, if you’d like to come with me.” Mike rambles. 

Whoa. Agent Casper just asked me out IN FRONT OF Josh. This is...unprecedented. I glance over at Josh expecting his immediate sabotage. He’s been doing that for a while now. Apparently, I’m not allowed to date. He can chase anything in a skirt, including the latest Amy Gardner, who seems to be encouraging the pursuit even though she’s seeing someone. Can we all say tramp? 

When Josh doesn’t say anything at all, I’m confused by the fact that I’m disappointed. I’m allowed to date Mike. 

Well, okay then. 

“Sure.” I smile brightly. “Sounds a lot better than my original plan of watching It’s a Wonderful Life again.” 

Josh lets out what can only be described as a cross between a roar and a growl and storms into his office, slamming the door behind him. 

“I don’t know what’s the matter with him today.” Mike says hooking a finger over his shoulder in explanation for Josh’s bizarre behavior. 

“Leo’s testifying before Congress.” I reply. “He’s imploding over it.” 

“Yeah.” Mike says. “Listen Donna, I like you a lot. And I’ve been friends with Josh for way too long. I just want you to understand that I want to go to this party as friends.” 

Friends? Oh, how sweet is he? 

“Really?” I can’t help but smile. I think I see what’s going on here. He’s afraid I’ll break his heart. It’s a little pre-emptive strike since I don’t really think he thinks I actually think of him that way. I mean, he’s definitely adorable, and an FBI agent. How sexy is that? But, I really only see him as a brotherly type, kinda like Congressman Wick or Skinner, okay, Matt’s a bad example because he’s gay, and it’s not like I think of Mike or Chris as gay, but I just don’t consider them datable to me. 

Am I even making sense here? 

“I do think something good is going to come out of it. But, I don’t think it’s going to be with me.” He continues. 

Or maybe I have no clue what’s going on here. 

“Okay.” I nod. Hey, I got an in to the FBI Christmas party, like it’s not going to be loaded with eligible cute guys? I can’t wait to tell Bonnie and Ginger! They’re going to be SO jealous! 

Still...I wish Josh would sabotage it. Is it unhealthy to wish for your boss to ruin a date and make you work on Christmas Eve because you want to spend time with him? Am I really that pathetic? 

“Great.” He smiles. “I’ll pick you up here around 7:30?” 

“Okay.” 

He boldly walks into Josh’s office, where the door slams again. I can’t make out what Josh is saying, but it’s loud and doesn’t sound like he’s happy. 

What’s HIS problem? 

 

JOSH’S POV 

“You. Are. A. Traitor.” I hiss at Mike when he closes my door. 

“How am I a traitor? I didn’t hit on your girlfriend.” he says. 

“I hate you.” 

“You won’t by the time this is all over.” 

“You don’t care that I hate you right now?” 

“Of course not. I’m a man who leads a life of danger.” 

“Pithy. How long have you been waiting to use that?” 

He sits down and I hate that he’s carrying a gun right now. I could bum rush him and kick his ass. 

Okay. Who am I kidding? Even without the gun, if I bum rushed him, he’d win. He knows like six different ways to kill a guy without a weapon. Everyone knows a guy like Mike. You know, the last person you’d ever expect would end up with a job like this? Who knew that getting in fights and driving like a lunatic would have actually gotten him somewhere? 

“Why are you torturing me?” I do a pretty decent job of keeping the whine out of my voice as I sink down into my chair. “Seriously. Is this because of the President thing?” 

“Listen, my friend. I know you’re distracted today because who the hell knows what’s going to come out of Leo’s mouth and the world is waiting with baited breath to hear it, but you’re missing the forest for trees.” 

“What?” 

“Donna!” 

“What about her?” 

“Josh, why the hell do you care who she dates?” 

“I don’t.” 

“So then why were you telling me that I can’t ask her out?” 

“I know you. I know your reputation and I’ve heard your locker room talk.” 

“I promise to keep all stories of sex with Donna to myself when you’re around.” 

“YOU ARE NOT HAVING SEX WITH HER!” 

“I really hope she didn’t hear that.” 

“Yeah, me too.” 

“You’re falling apart, Josh! If you’re not going to ask her out, I see no reason why I can’t.” 

“ME!?” I yelp. 

I can’t possibly ask Donna out. 

“Yes! You!” 

“I can’t ask her out.” I immediately fall into denying the liking of Donna mode. I’m pretty good at this by now. I’ve been doing it for a little over a year now. 

“Why?” He demands again. 

I got nuthin’. 

“Why?” he asks again. 

“She works for me.” 

“So?” 

“I’m a visible guy. What I do reflects on the President.” I rattle off the party line. 

“Give me a fucking break.” Mike scoffs. “Give me a REAL reason.” 

“That is a real reason.” 

“News flash, Josh. Nobody gives a shit who you date.” 

“Of course they do.” 

“Yeah, politicos who are power daters and date according to their agenda. Nobody else cares. This is the 21st century.” 

“It’s also the White House.” 

“Well, like I said, if you’re not going to do it, I am. And I’d think you’d be happy for your friends.” 

“I’m not.” 

“You’re transparent.” he says standing up and moving to the door. 

What the hell does that mean? 

“You can’t take her out.” I again issue my empty protest. 

“Open your eyes.” he tosses over his shoulder and disappears from my office, closing the door behind him. 

TBC


	2. There's a Man Who Leads a Life of Danger

JOSH’S POV 

There’s a very loud, insistent pounding on my door. I slowly make my drunk way over to it, noticing the clock on my way. 

Who’s pounding on my door at 1:30 a.m.? On Christmas Eve no less. I open the door and am stunned by what greets me. 

“MERRY CHRISTMAS, JOSH!” Donna cheers, falling across the threshold and into my arms. Mike is standing behind her. 

“What the hell?” 

“She’s all yours, my friend.” 

“What!?” 

“Oh, and she’s loaded.” 

“This I see.” 

“You smell like you’re not too far off yourself.” Mike notes. 

“What happened? Why are you bringing her here?” I ask, ignoring his remark. I’m not completely drunk. I’m still functioning. 

“She said she’s drunk, and this is the way it works.” He shrugs gesturing to Donna who’s hanging off my neck. My arm slips around her waist and I try to take some of the weight off my shoulders. 

“No.” I say. “I usually show up on her doorstep drunk and NEVER after a date, and I certainly don’t get dropped off there by said date!” 

“This is where she wanted to come.” he shrugs. He looks at me for a long moment and then smiles. “Merry Christmas, buddy.” Then he disappears from view. 

I push the door shut and look down at my drunken, giggling assistant in my arms. 

“It’s Christmas.” she whispers. 

“Yes, I know.” I try to brace myself. I’ve had a lot of scotch. I’m actually in the sobering up stage at the moment. 

“Merry Christmas.” 

“Why are you whispering?” 

“MERRY CHRISTMAS!” 

“Sshh!” I hiss. 

“See? I was whispering.” 

She extricates herself from my arms, slides out of her coat which she launches onto a chair and starts to stumble around my apartment. I’ve never seen this outfit before and I’m having a hard time recovering. 

It’s a red dress that comes to her knees. It’s ribbed, a turtleneck and has a matching red cardigan. It shows every blessed curve of her body. Her hair is up and she’s got on strappy red heels. 

Mike’s such a jerk. I can’t believe he got to hang out with her all night looking like this. 

“Why are you here, Donna?” I ask. 

She immediately pouts. “You don’t want me here?” 

“I didn’t say that. But tomorrow is Christmas. That’s a big deal to you.” 

“It’s my favorite holiday!” 

“Right.” I say. I walk from the living room to the kitchen to grab her a bottle of water. I better get her two. 

“I had an epiphany tonight, Josh!” 

“Really?” 

“Yes.” she nods, she kneels down on my couch and props herself up on the back on her elbows, working her way out of her heels with her feet. “Do you want to hear it?” 

“Did you come all the way over here to tell me?” 

“Maybe.” 

“Well, it would appear you can’t be stopped then. Fire away.” 

“You and me,” she says gesturing between us. “We’re like a pair of eyes.” 

What. The. Hell? 

“Eyes?” 

“Yeah, eyes, like in your head.” 

“Yes, I know eyes in your head.” I unscrew the top of the water bottle and hand it to her. She immediately downs half of it. 

“I need clothes.” 

“What about your epiphany? Aren’t you going to explain it?” 

“Yes, but I need clothes to sleep in.” 

“I didn’t realize you were staying.” 

“I am.” 

“Didn’t you have plans for tomorrow?” 

“Not really.” she shrugs. “I was going to go to Wisconsin for Christmas, but then my grandmother fell and broke her hip, and she’s in the hospital and my parents are spending all their time there. She’s like a million, she doesn’t have many Christmases left. So, I figured I’d stay here. I was going to go over Margaret’s or CJ’s, but then I decided to just come here.” 

“Why?” 

“I don’t know.” she shrugs. “We spent last Christmas together.” Drunks and children are always so honest. 

“I’m not having any...issues this year.” 

Her eyes well up with tears and her lips start to quiver. Shit. 

“It’s okay!” I yelp. 

“You don’t need me?” 

“I always need you.” Where did THAT come from? Well, I know where it came from. It’s came from the same place that decided to get stinking drunk tonight. 

“Yeah?” she smiles slowly. 

“Donna, I’m a wreck without you, yes.” 

“That’s very sweet of you to say.” Considering I was expertly maneuvered into saying it. 

“I meant it.” I find myself confessing. 

She smiles at me for another moment before her face looks expectantly at me. “Clothes?” 

“You know where they are.” I say smartly, gesturing to my bedroom. 

She pushes herself off the couch and saunters to my bedroom. She stops in the door, throws me an incredibly flirty look and takes off the cardigan, revealing her bare arms. 

“Cute.” I smirk. But really I want to tell her to take the rest of it off where I can see it. I hear her start rooting around in there for her pajamas. After an a-ha, I know she’s found them. 

“So, your epiphany?” I coax from the living room as I hear her stumbling around my room changing. I wish I had a legitimate reason for going in there. Maybe she’ll trip and fall... 

“Yeah. So, I figured it out. I always thought we were kind of hard to define.” You and me both, honey. “I mean, I know on the face you’re my boss, but you’re also my friend, but I kinda think you’re more than my friend.” Well now, THIS is interesting. “You know what I mean? I mean, we’re, like, deeper than that and stuff. But tonight, I figured it out. We’re like a pair of eyes. We do everything together. We work together, we walk the halls together, we move together, we cry together.” 

Somewhere in there, I moved to my bedroom door. I don’t remember doing it, but her little diatribe here sort of sucked me in as I started listening to it. She appears in the doorway wearing pajama pants and a tank top, hanging onto the edge of the doorframe. We’re about half a foot away from each other now. 

“And just like a pair of eyes, we never see each other.” she whispers. 

Damn. That was awfully prophetic for a woman that’s as wasted as she is. The problem is, I’m still drunk enough that I still think acting upon this feeling I have right now is a good idea. 

I grab her as she propels herself at me. Yup. I think this is a STELLAR idea! We’re kissing with a vengeance now. I break from her lips and move to her neck and she holds my head there before tugging me back into the bedroom. We trip on our way to the bed because we’re both still drunk. We’re naked when we get there. 

I gotta tell you. I’m all for the drunken sex. 

 

JOSH’S POV 

“So, how was your date?” I ask as she cuddles down, still naked, into my side. 

“I was his safe date, as it turns out.”She replies with an unladylike yawn. Well, much of what she just did to me really was quite unladylike. “After you went into your office earlier, when he was still in the bullpen, he told me he just wanted to go as friends. He didn’t want to show up alone.” 

“Oh, really?” 

“Yeah, he said....” 

“What?” 

“He said....” 

“What Donna?” 

“I’ll be damned.” 

“What did he say?” 

“He said that he thought good things were going to come of our date, but he didn’t think it would be with him.” 

“Well, whaddya know?” 

“Yeah.” 

“How ‘bout that?” 

“I guess he won’t be hitting on me anymore.” 

“I’d say that’s a big 10-4.” 

“Hey, Josh?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Merry Christmas.” 

“Merry Christmas.” 

I throw an arm behind my head and rub Donna’s back with my other one, as she succumbs to the rest of the affects of the alcohol and drifts off to sleep. I’m not worried about what’s to come in the morning. This doesn’t feel like something to freak out over. 

But, I can’t help but think about my friend. He had a plan. He saw me get irked over him hitting on Donna and he came up with this idea to force me out of my rabbit hole. For the past few years since I met Donna, and ultimately brought her into their orbit, they have wisely refrained from any dating advice, words of wisdom, raunchy man comments or anything else regarding her. They could see how upset it made me and the subject was taboo. 

But, my friend Mike leads a life of danger. 

Thank you, Secret Agent Man, wherever you are. 

THE END


End file.
